Shoot
first and ask questions later.
That
is how an individual functions when he/she chooses to operate on the REACTIVE
MODE. They tend to follow their first instinct, which often places them in
unfavorable situations involving violence or aggression, or losing
opportunities. By giving yourself some time to think before acting, your mode
of function can eventually switch to RESPONSIVE. This is ideal because
it prompts individuals to act with a purpose, instead of just reacting
instinctively (for more details read the first part here).
So
what are some techniques to avoid being reactive?
Be
aware. When you notice yourself getting angry understand that our
primary instinct takes over and the first line of action, is probably not the
right one (e.g. scream, punch, throw things). It is merely a biological
reaction, which comes from the instinctive urge to protect ourselves from what
we perceive to be as threatening.
Feelings
are not your foes. When you try and control what you
feel it ends up coming back far stronger. Feelings are normal; they are neither
good nor bad and should be accepted. It is your actions, on the other hand,
that you will be held accountable for. It is necessary to find ways to vent
or release your negative emotions in a positive manner (e.g. exercise, opening
up to a trusted confidant). Give yourself some time to understand, accept and
move past these feelings, before acting.
Time
is key. Research shows if you wait at least 4 seconds (instead of
immediately making a decision based on your first impulse), the quality of your
decision is drastically improved. Common phrases or sayings such as “sleep on
it” or “breath and count to 10” emphasize the essentiality of time.
Only
make a decision when YOU HAVE TO. It is best to not make
important decisions when you are too angry or when you are too happy, because
both can cloud your judgment. If the decision is not urgent, take some time and
weigh all the options.
Looking
in from the outside. It is key to give yourself some
distance from your problems. This does not mean to avoid or escape them, but
sometimes in order to see a problem through a more objective lens you need to
separate yourself from it. It may help to change your setting or go for a walk,
just so that you can give yourself a new perspective or outlook.
Not
everything is personal. It is difficult but crucial, in times
when you get hurt, to remember that some things are just not personal. Separate
yourself from people’s views of you and put your ego aside. Your self-esteem
and value should not be affected by what others think; sometimes their
criticisms are merely a result of their own insecurities. Just be true to
yourself and your values.
Be
kind. Everyone has their own battle to fight. You
will meet people from all different walks of life. Some will treat you badly,
but do not be drawn in and tempted to treat them back as such. Respect them
despite their treatment of you because your response reveals a lot about who
you are. It certainly requires a great amount of strength to always try and
elevate any situation that you are in and to remain positive but it is
important to always try.
Know
Thyself. Understand your nature, your triggers and your
limitations. When you feel that a certain situation may bring out the worst
side of you, either remove yourself from the situation or try and understand
why this continuously happens. You will make mistakes but you will never know
what you are capable of unless you test your limits.
Lastly,
practice makes perfect.
So ask yourself, when was the last time you were reactive
and how did you handle it?
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