Reconnecting with our Roots

The past is your best friend. Don’t forget it. Use it!

Sometimes with the hustle and bustle all around us we forget our roots. We forget what made us who we are. It is easy to get distracted and fall into the trap of compromising your own beliefs in order to be the best. But it is always important to remember your true self.

Just as individuals can lose a sense of who they are, companies can do the same. A taste of success can make them greedy for more, and more and more. Until what they become is far from whom they wanted to be.

Sometimes in order to understand what is best for you, your past can be the best link. This is not meant to trigger unwanted feelings from the past, but to remind you of the lessons learned. For individuals, that means what you were like as a child; when innocence remained and you were free from pressures and responsibilities.

- What were things that you always loved doing and things that made you feel the most alive?

- What was your hardest moment and what did you learn from it?

- What made you feel like YOU without compromise?

Once you answer these questions take value in the lessons they carry, and always try to do the things that make you feel alive.

For companies, it is looking back at the founders, looking for the reasons as to why they created the company in the first place. For inventors such as Henry Ford, it was to create a car that would change the world. For individuals like Sam Walton (the creator of Wal-Mart) it was about connecting with people and helping those that were not well off by providing them with affordable goods.

Some of the companies that we see today have drifted very far from the image that they once held. It is because somewhere along the road, their purpose was ignored. The founder of Wal-Mart would be disturbed by stories of constant protests by the employees and the general mistreatment of staff. This was not the Wal-Mart that he had envisioned.

A purpose must be strong enough to last through generations. Written in stone and followed by all. Is your company still in line with its original purpose?

If you feel that somehow things are no longer adding up, and things seem to be spiraling downwards, maybe the best solution is to not opt for big changes, magic fixes or major cutbacks. Maybe, just maybe, the best answer is to re-visit your past and re-discover why you were here and what made you, YOU.

So the only thing left to ask is: What does your history tell you about YOU? How can you reconnect with the original YOU? 

Leadership: Setting The Right Mode

We are all like stringed instruments, each tuned to a slightly different frequency. Our childhood experiences, temperament, genetics, cultural backgrounds and loyalties shape how we adapt to the environment around us. Whether directly or indirectly, we are continuously revealing to our community and loved ones our limits, where our sensitivities lie and what makes us angry.

A brief remark, a discreet action from our partner, or just the right stimulus can trigger an instinctive and defensive reaction making us momentarily lose control. At this specific moment we activated the Reactive mode.

Reactive behaviors are unconscious, quick and impulsive. They are emotionally charged, echoing what just happened to us. Most of our behavior falls under this category. We all can recall times when our anger bested us, like the moment you were tempted to exact revenge against the driver that had been tailgating you on the highway; or the time you blew up when your employee made the same mistake AGAIN; or you hastily submitted your resignation to make a “bold” statement following an argument with your boss. Trapped by our defaults, and limited by our surrounding circumstances, we tend to automatically react without properly assessing the situation and our plan of action.

These stimulus-and-response models of behaviors are not limited to individuals only: organizations, communities and nations often fall into this trap. Copying best practices of others, tenaciously sticking to processes, and mimicking competition are among the most common reactive behaviors that plague the corporate world.

Whether you’re an individual or an organization, identifying your triggers is at the core of leadership and development. Unless you are aware of the situations that trigger these behaviors and become conscious of the damage you are creating (in terms of direct costs and lost opportunities); you are bound to remain stuck in similar patterns of behavior that are generated by fear and fueled with ego and adrenaline. For a few brief seconds you may feel relieved, but more often that not, you will regret how defensive and angry you became, and how it impacted the lives around you.

Taming our reactive reflexes is not an easy task, but not an impossible one either. It all starts when we acknowledge that no matter our tuning or the external stimuli that we are subjected to, we are responsible for our behavior. What we do and how we respond to circumstances always sets the tone on how others see us and interact with us. Our behavior and choices determine whether we are living our lives on autopilot or consciously and freely choosing how to respond. In these rare but highly fulfilling moments: we are activating the RESPONSIVE MODE.

Responsive behaviors are conscious and strategic. Instead of aimlessly reinforcing the same behavior that angered you and making it your reference point, you assess the situation and ask yourself before any action: What is my purpose? Then act accordingly.

Being responsive requires being present and mindful with full focus on your purpose. It is about taking the time to review the available options and asking yourself whether your action will help you achieve this purpose or it is merely a way to satisfy your hungers and ego.

Responsive behaviors are at the core of strategic thinking. They enable you to make the best use of your past (by learning from previous mistakes), your values (by behaving in a way that is true to your heart), your time, energy and resources. You are no longer held hostage in the situation but finally ABLE to respond and take control (hence, responsible or response-able).

Which mode do you operate on most?

More on how to prevent being reactive in the upcoming article in this series.

Bosses and Parents Must Not Rush to Apologize.

If you have been a boss or a parent, chances are you have been in situations where you had to ask your team or children to do something "hard" but that it is for their best interest. "Hard" means stressful, discomforting and possibly a little painful (within reasonable limits). It will be evident that your team or children will not like it, actively try to avoid it and if they had no choice, would do it but with strong resistance.

How to deal with resistance after subjecting a group of people to constructive stress?

• Over communicate, before, during and after. Do it intelligently and clearly, and double check if they got the details and the full picture right.
• Particularly, let them know well in advance what they will have to deal with.
• Do what you have to do (the necessary constructive work that will create stress).
• If they push back (they will), hold steady.
• Reassure yourself about your good intentions (purpose) and also check if your approach (process) was right.
• Check if all that happened (and is currently happening) is in line with what the group was initially informed.
• It may get nasty. The level of resistance will reflect the impact of the work on the group. Never take resistance personally. Don't accept abuse. Maintain your calm, grace and posture.
• If you know that you are doing the right thing do not apologize.
• Make it clear that they were informed and that all has been transparent (they may deny it).
• In case you made tactical mistakes, acknowledge them but do not retreat or apologize.
• Respect their feelings and emotions without patronizing. Acknowledge that the work was hard. Be patient. Exercise compassion without saying so or giving in.
• Put it in perspective for you and for them.
• Give the work back to them and tactically calibrate the stress. However, do not back off.
• If they resist, start again from point number 1.

If your intentions are honorable, your thinking is double checked and reasonable, and risks are controlled and acceptable, keep doing what you think is right. Don't back off and don't apologize.