Leadership: Setting The Right Mode

We are all like stringed instruments, each tuned to a slightly different frequency. Our childhood experiences, temperament, genetics, cultural backgrounds and loyalties shape how we adapt to the environment around us. Whether directly or indirectly, we are continuously revealing to our community and loved ones our limits, where our sensitivities lie and what makes us angry.

A brief remark, a discreet action from our partner, or just the right stimulus can trigger an instinctive and defensive reaction making us momentarily lose control. At this specific moment we activated the Reactive mode.

Reactive behaviors are unconscious, quick and impulsive. They are emotionally charged, echoing what just happened to us. Most of our behavior falls under this category. We all can recall times when our anger bested us, like the moment you were tempted to exact revenge against the driver that had been tailgating you on the highway; or the time you blew up when your employee made the same mistake AGAIN; or you hastily submitted your resignation to make a “bold” statement following an argument with your boss. Trapped by our defaults, and limited by our surrounding circumstances, we tend to automatically react without properly assessing the situation and our plan of action.

These stimulus-and-response models of behaviors are not limited to individuals only: organizations, communities and nations often fall into this trap. Copying best practices of others, tenaciously sticking to processes, and mimicking competition are among the most common reactive behaviors that plague the corporate world.

Whether you’re an individual or an organization, identifying your triggers is at the core of leadership and development. Unless you are aware of the situations that trigger these behaviors and become conscious of the damage you are creating (in terms of direct costs and lost opportunities); you are bound to remain stuck in similar patterns of behavior that are generated by fear and fueled with ego and adrenaline. For a few brief seconds you may feel relieved, but more often that not, you will regret how defensive and angry you became, and how it impacted the lives around you.

Taming our reactive reflexes is not an easy task, but not an impossible one either. It all starts when we acknowledge that no matter our tuning or the external stimuli that we are subjected to, we are responsible for our behavior. What we do and how we respond to circumstances always sets the tone on how others see us and interact with us. Our behavior and choices determine whether we are living our lives on autopilot or consciously and freely choosing how to respond. In these rare but highly fulfilling moments: we are activating the RESPONSIVE MODE.

Responsive behaviors are conscious and strategic. Instead of aimlessly reinforcing the same behavior that angered you and making it your reference point, you assess the situation and ask yourself before any action: What is my purpose? Then act accordingly.

Being responsive requires being present and mindful with full focus on your purpose. It is about taking the time to review the available options and asking yourself whether your action will help you achieve this purpose or it is merely a way to satisfy your hungers and ego.

Responsive behaviors are at the core of strategic thinking. They enable you to make the best use of your past (by learning from previous mistakes), your values (by behaving in a way that is true to your heart), your time, energy and resources. You are no longer held hostage in the situation but finally ABLE to respond and take control (hence, responsible or response-able).

Which mode do you operate on most?

More on how to prevent being reactive in the upcoming article in this series.