Bosses and Parents Must Not Rush to Apologize.

If you have been a boss or a parent, chances are you have been in situations where you had to ask your team or children to do something "hard" but that it is for their best interest. "Hard" means stressful, discomforting and possibly a little painful (within reasonable limits). It will be evident that your team or children will not like it, actively try to avoid it and if they had no choice, would do it but with strong resistance.

How to deal with resistance after subjecting a group of people to constructive stress?

• Over communicate, before, during and after. Do it intelligently and clearly, and double check if they got the details and the full picture right.
• Particularly, let them know well in advance what they will have to deal with.
• Do what you have to do (the necessary constructive work that will create stress).
• If they push back (they will), hold steady.
• Reassure yourself about your good intentions (purpose) and also check if your approach (process) was right.
• Check if all that happened (and is currently happening) is in line with what the group was initially informed.
• It may get nasty. The level of resistance will reflect the impact of the work on the group. Never take resistance personally. Don't accept abuse. Maintain your calm, grace and posture.
• If you know that you are doing the right thing do not apologize.
• Make it clear that they were informed and that all has been transparent (they may deny it).
• In case you made tactical mistakes, acknowledge them but do not retreat or apologize.
• Respect their feelings and emotions without patronizing. Acknowledge that the work was hard. Be patient. Exercise compassion without saying so or giving in.
• Put it in perspective for you and for them.
• Give the work back to them and tactically calibrate the stress. However, do not back off.
• If they resist, start again from point number 1.

If your intentions are honorable, your thinking is double checked and reasonable, and risks are controlled and acceptable, keep doing what you think is right. Don't back off and don't apologize.